so i said all along

Migration

2007-10-05T17:20:00.000-05:00

I'm migrating to Wordpress, mostly because they have more built-in features. New blog @ commas.wordpress.com. So update your links and feeds, folks. :)

Big happenings? Maybe.

2007-10-05T14:55:00.000-05:00

This is bound to be an exciting weekend. I'm opening Home at the Pillsbury House Theatre in Minneapolis tonight. It's a great show that I'm super jazzed about working on. Between that and Menopause the Musical, I've almost worked 40 hours this week. This unfortunately means that I haven't done some other stuff that needs doing - like finishing moving in, looking for a day job, or returning my cable modem.

In addition to some theater fun, I'm also going to spend some of this weekend with my awesome friends. Chelsie and Lara are coming up to the cities for the weekend and the Eau Claire folk are gonna roll in, too. I can't wait to see them all. I've lately convinced myself that I don't have any friends because they all move away and leave me and I'm all alone and have no one to talk to - at this point in the thought process I always stop myself and give myself an exasperated look and tell myself that I'm crazy and of course I have plenty of friends and I'm only feeling this way because I'm melodramatic and not trying hard enough. Anyhow, this weekend I won't have to try and I won't have to be melodramatic cuz old friends will be around. And then next week Amanda will come home for a little while.

The only real disappointment of late is that I didn't get a particular job I've been gunning for. I'd be great at it and I'd love it, but they passed me over for an old friend. I get that, Lord knows I've been on the other end of such a situation plenty of times. Still, it's disappointing and I'll have to find something else to fill my winter. Hey, if anyone out there needs a theater professional for anything, give me a jingle. I'm good at what I do.

So I moved. No longer in Uptown, I've relocated a few blocks south into Kingfield. It's sweet at the moment, because Pillsbury House is so close.

For the first time in a year my clothes are mostly put away. I never really unpacked in my former apartment and my clothes were organized in piles on the floor the entire time I lived there. When I moved here one of the first orders of business was closet organization and hanger utilization. I can't tell you how much it cuts down on stress to have a well-organized living space.

The other thing eating of my time is the wonder that is television on the internet. Did you know that the major broadcast networks put new episodes of hit shows on their websites? It's awesome. I miss my shows (which include Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, Private Practice, and Ugly Betty) most of the time because, honestly, I'm not so obsessed that I'll stay home with my tv in favor of seeing friends. No more monkeying around with a VCR, though, because I can just watch them the next day. With fewer commercials. Did I mention the awesome factor? I thought so.

Alright, I've got some cardboard boxes to break down.

Tech

2007-07-20T19:44:00.000-05:00

Tech is hard. Especially when there are so many cues. And so much Sudafed. Tech rehearsal is Time Warp. 3:30pm - 5:00pm (the last hour and a half of rehearsal before dinner) took all afternoon, I swear, and 5:00-6:30 (the hour and a half of dinner break) didn't even last a chapter in my book. Oy. Still not through the show. Invited dress on Tuesday. Eek. I don't even have the energy to care that I forgot to reserve Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows at my friendly neighborhood B&N. Sigh. Sneeze.

Caitlin is at the Guthrie

2007-07-19T16:33:00.000-05:00

I've basically been living here in the Big Blue Building this past week and will continue to do so for another week more. We started tech on the Guthrie Experience project (now officially titled "Postcards from Earth") yesterday. I'm having a great time, although I miss having time to do things like laundry and grocery shopping. I'm subsisting on food that can be obtained at the Guthrie and while it's pretty good, it's also pretty expensive and I don't like spending so much $$$ on foods. Last night the Guthrie fed us, though, which was great. Volunteers come in with all sorts of food - salad, pasta, meat, fish, cheese concoctions, and, of course, baked macaroni and cheese... it's all very church-basement - and load up our plates. When we came back to rehearsal after eating we were all stuffed and lethargic. Cue last night was rockin' cuz everyone from '76 came down for a drink (or several).

Hey, does anyone want a cat?

Triskadeca

2007-07-14T13:32:00.001-05:00

I don't know why I had a bad day yesterday. Is there bad juju on Friday the Thirteenth or did I make my day bad with my fear of bad juju? Who knows. Doesn't really matter now because that fact remains that the first ten hours of yesterday really sucked. A week-long swelling of anxiety and nastiness broke yesterday and washed away any patience and understanding I possess. Ugh. However, at approximately 6 pm my day turned around. Emily, the lovely Emily, is getting married today and I'm reading in the wedding. Last night featured an evening of pre-wedding revelry that included both downtowns and was followed by a birthday party and serendipitous meeting of friends at the Tower. Huzzah. Today is marvelous so far.

I want it

2007-07-12T13:00:00.000-05:00

I want a Wii. I want one so bad.

'Splosives Day

2007-07-04T16:42:00.000-05:00

I saw 1776 at the Guthrie on Friday night and I really really liked it. To start with, the scenic and lighting designs are gorgeous. The play, written in 1969, is surprisingly entertaining. I mean, it's about the writing and adoption of the Declaration of Independence and entertaining was not on my list of expectations. I was wrong, thankfully, about that. The show is also relevant without being preachy, informative without being pedantic, and funny without being foolish. It includes a number of excellent quotes (mostly by Ben Franklin) including this one:

Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.

Highly recommended.

And now for some 4th of July fun!

From xkcd comics...

From sporcle, a fun little US Presidents quiz...

From MSNBC, a fun little citizenship quiz...

Have fun with fire tonight, y'all!

Lookin' up

2007-06-19T18:51:00.000-05:00

I am no longer unemployed. Not only did I find a job, I found a paying job in theater. Oooh yeah. ASM for the Guthrie Experience. Wahoo! That is my news. Oh, and I like hanging out at the Nomad.

It's not easy bein' green

2007-06-10T13:35:00.000-05:00

And I'm not so good at it. But here's some YouTubery to help you save the world.

June?

2007-06-02T10:29:00.000-05:00

These dinosaurs have been appearing all over my city and I only just today discovered why. It took a little bit of research because, well, why the fuck would the Science Museum which is located in downtown St. Paul put a psychedelically painted dino in Washburn Fair Oaks park?

I'm feeling a little crazed at the moment, for no reason other than that it's JUNE and it's beautiful outside and I don't have a job or plans and I'm spending much of my time with Clio the History Dog in a house that hasn't an internet connection. This is all very different for me. Cool, but different.

I'm FINALLY almost done with Atlas Shrugged. I just got to a part where a character makes a 25 PAGE SPEECH summarizing the point of the first 900 pages of the book. I skipped it.

More updates on new friends, work at Interact, and my ideal world some time soon.

Personality

2007-05-11T10:58:00.002-05:00

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

Personality

You are more emotional than logical, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more religious than atheist, more dependent than loner, more lazy than workaholic, more traditional than rebel, more artistic mind than engineering mind, more idealist than cynical, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are outgoing (100%), romantic (86%), horny (75%), religious (73%).

Stereotypes
College Student	100%
Prep	85%
Hippie	84%

Life Experience
Sex	42%
Substances	49%
Travel	47%

Politics
Your political views would best be described as Socialist, whom you agree with around 83% of the time.

Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Upper Middle Class. You make more than 54% of those who have taken this test, and 65% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated R.
By the way, your hottness rank is 83%, hotter than 99% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite

I couldn't sleep at night

2007-05-06T11:00:00.000-05:00

I crawled into bed last night with my head full of ideas and inspirations and now I've got nothin'. I need to get in the habit of writing this shit down when I have it in my head.

I'm slogging very slowly through Atlas Shrugged. I'm used to finishing books in a more timely fashion - two weeks at most from cover to cover. Ayn Rand is rather verbose, though, and so the process is taking longer. I might have to start reading something else just for some variety.

If my life had gone as I had planned at age fourteen - and as so many people in my life expect - I would have graduated from college yesterday. This fact has been lurking in the back of my mind all week and yesterday I think it kind of snapped on me. Or rather, I snapped. A two show day at Interact, with a benefit gala to boot, is stressful enough on it's own. I lashed out at people who were trying to be helpful and generally felt like a poor excuse for a loving, caring human being. I also lost my keys and got home too late to go through with plans with Ellen and just sort of fell down on my job being Caitlin. *sigh*

It was windy in Minneapolis last night. I slept with my window open and the elements of air and water drifted through my dreams. I spent most of the early morning dropping in and out of disturbing dreams - dying animals, missing friends, desperation. I finally had to crawl out of bed far earlier than expected just to break that cycle. My day has so far existed under the shadow of that beginning.

Today is my last day working at Augsburg Student Computing. It's anticlimactic. I've been here for four years and will end that tenure sitting behind this desk alone on a rainy and empty Sunday afternoon. In retrospect, this seems fairly appropriate.

I read the first section of Paulo Coelho's The Zahir this week. I was struck by the theme: the tension between love and freedom. I have lately been examining this conflict in my own life; am I free or am I unloved? can I be loved and free, or, perhaps more essentially, can I feel love and freedom simultaneously? And all these thoughts of freedom get confusing because I don't really even know what the concept means in terms of my experience. All this wind stirs up complexity in a life striving for simplicity.

The Problem

2007-04-30T14:33:00.000-05:00

From a BBC article:

US leader George W Bush is preparing to exercise his presidential veto for only the second time in seven years of office.

This is a problem. Where has Congress been since the 2006 election? Why the hell hasn't anyone been making him stand firm? When will the citizens of this country realize that our president cares about what's best for him and doesn't give a shit about anyone else?

Good morning!

2007-04-30T09:18:00.000-05:00

It is a beautiful day. I slept on clean sheets last night in a room that is almost clean. I walked from bed to couch on a newly swept floor. I might just go back and crawl in bed with a book because it's pleasant in my bedroom and I can. It took about an hour and a half, all told, to make my room livable again - that doesn't include the eight loads of laundry that need doing - and this morning it felt as though the whole world had been transformed. I've never been a spring cleaner before but something about the changing weather and the changing mood outside has motivated me to tidy the inside.

Serendipity

2007-04-26T16:33:00.000-05:00

Many people believe that any negative energy you put out into the world will affect you as much as it affects anyone. I tend to agree with the heart of the statement: we are all subject to the same energies. However, I have been contemplating the nature of negativity. What constitutes negative energy? Is it judgement? Is it malice? Is it hatred? Every word I come up with to describe negativity begs it's own definition. This is something that has been on my mind.

I had a bit of serendipity this week. I lost an earring about six months ago. The atrocious state of my bedroom makes me lose lots of little things like earrings. Anyhow, as I was leaving my house a few days ago I dropped my cell phone and when I bent down to pick it up I found sitting next to the phone on the pavement the missing earring. It must have been stuck in my clothes or something, but in the moment it seemed to just appear, like it had been waiting under the snow all winter for me to find it.

I'm gearing up for a weekend of theater and school.

One more thing I love about Minneapolis

2007-04-23T17:16:00.000-05:00

Minneapolitics. Go Keith!

I love Minneapolis

2007-04-23T17:07:00.000-05:00

It's inevitable. When I go to a bar and start drinking and talking I end up raving about how much I love my city. There's the old friends who turn up everywhere and the new friends that are easy to find. There's my neighborhood bar where I can stop in on any given night and expect to find someone I know. There's the little bits of serendipity - I find a new shelter at my bus stop on a rainy day or get a work call when my straits are getting dire. Last night was one such night. I headed down to the Tower to watch playoff hockey and ended up hanging with a whole group of friends who happened to be there. I had a few Oberons and waxed eloquent about Minneapolis. Then today my dad and I had lunch at The Bad Waitress, one of the many fine coffee house/breakfast establishments in my neighborhood. And it's spring. Overnight the trees have gone from bare branched to green and fuzzy. A friend mentioned the other day that he thinks it takes living in a climate like ours to appreciate spring. Personally I think that spring is easy to appreciate whether or not your winter involved temperatures of 20 below. It's hard to say since I've only ever lived here. I love this day and this place and I'm happy to stay ignorant of a potentially disappointing spring elsewhere.

Blaisdell on the Radio

2007-04-22T15:05:00.000-05:00

It's a rainy Sunday afternoon and since it's warm enough to open the windows that means it's listening hour in casa de Caitlin. With half a dozen apartments within spitting distance of my living room window, listening hour is inevitably a cocktail of hip-hop, mariachi, and hard rock, all accented by the dude with a drum set.

I played a washtub bass last night at a bluegrass jam session. It was the most fun I've had in... well, since last weekend when I went to blues night at Famous Daves. I fuckin' love live music. I like it best in casual settings. A big ol' concert is great every now and again, but nothing beats a bunch of musicians sitting around making music.

The show is going great. We're settling into my favorite part of a run; we're comfortable with the material and we're starting to have fun. The actors are mostly consistent with their lines and whatnot which makes my job easier and makes the product polished and shiny. If only Billy T would stop pushing buttons before I tell him to...

Commemorative

2007-04-18T18:28:00.000-05:00

Where is the outcry?

25 dead in Nigeria today.

32 dead in China today.

200 dead in Iraq today.

I'll See You In Hell, Pachelbel

2007-04-15T12:42:00.000-05:00

Where is the love?

2007-04-14T12:44:00.000-05:00

I did my taxes yesterday. That was fun.

I Am Angry

2007-04-13T00:09:00.000-05:00

I read this piece about the erosion of my personal freedoms and remedies for said malady and it did not make me less angry. Somebody tell me a joke, please.

Oh, and

2007-04-11T23:26:00.000-05:00

I like peeps. And baseball. And Atlas Shrugged. And House M.D. These are the things that I have been enjoying this week.

Ask and you shall receive

2007-04-11T17:16:00.000-05:00

It's snowing.

The first preview of Future Perfect is tomorrow night. There have been some last-minute snafus, but all is mended and I think we might be ready. I know I'll be ready and that is a good feeling. You should come see it. Check out the performance schedule at Interact's web site. If you visit that link you'll see a guy in the top picture on the left side of the screen. That's Billy, my assistant board op. He likes pushing my buttons so every rehearsal so far has been an exercise in patience, but he's also one of my favorite people to work with at Interact. If you come see the show you can meet him!

Went to trivia last night. We were but a shadow of our usual team. Only four of us showed up and still we came in fourth. Go us. The categories matched up with the team members pretty freakin' well.

Hey, I'm looking at shifting my employment this summer. Any suggestions?

I want winter back

2007-03-30T16:58:00.000-05:00

Give me 20° and snowing over 40° and raining any day. Brr.

I just whiling away the hours here at work, eating Mike and Ikes and making myself sick. My next round of classes starts tomorrow. For all inquiring minds, I am in fact technically enrolled full time in school, just non-traditionally full time. My grandparents remain confused on this particular fact. This coming term I'm taking Creative Writing - my first elective college English course - and The Shaping of Western Civilization. Sounds awfully impressive, doesn't it? Hopefully it will end up being more interesting and engaging than impressive. Impressive is never very much fun.

Life is about to get busier for a time. I'm starting rehearsals at Interact on Monday and the show opens the following week. I'm going to try to step up my reliability and schedule commitment at work so that I can go into a summer of full time work raring and prepped to go. Oy, the mixed metaphors.

Ah! One more exciting bit of news. I am officially on staff for the 2007 Fringe. Wahoo! I'm sure I'll be increasingly full of exitement as August draws nearer.

I was born this Thursday 22 years ago

2007-03-29T17:34:00.000-05:00

I guess this means I'm actually a twenty-something now. I tend to reevaluate my choices and lifestyle at these liminal moments but I'm not really in the mood today. I'm pretty happy with the way my life is going (barring being broke) and I feel like I'm on the upswing right now. We'll leave self-examination for another time.

For now I'm rocking out to Natasha Bedingfield and KT Tunstall and calling it a fantastic day.

Better late

2007-03-27T18:51:00.000-05:00

Sunday's promised update is here on Tuesday. What did I do on Saturday while I was unplugged? Mostly the usual stuff minus the computer. Slept in. Had lunch with Lara and Zach. Watched several hours of Sex and the City. Went to a play. Went to the bar. Went to bed. Yep, pretty standard for a Saturday. By the end of the day I was a little jittery with the need to check my email.

I went to another play on Sunday, Someone Who'll Watch Over Me by the Burning House Group. It was fantastic. Sadly, I went to the closing show so none of you can go see it. I stayed after the performance to help them strike. We had to take down maybe fifty lighting instruments using ladders. There were two little kids running around which made this a rather nerve-wracking project. Everything was accomplished without injury, though, so I'd call it a successful strike.

What's been on my mind lately? Not too much. I'm starting work at Interact next week which is exciting. I'm fairly relaxed and calm after a week in Florida, though not noticeably more tan. I'm feeling pretty happy about life right now.

Unplug?

2007-03-23T20:54:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is Shutdown Day. I'm gonna try it. I'll fill you in on Sunday.

Books and books and books

2007-03-23T17:16:00.000-05:00

I got tagged. Finally. Here goes...

1.) One book that changed your life. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy changed my life.

2.) One book you’ve read more than once. I've read Ender's Game more times than I can count.

3.) One book you’d want on a desert island. I'd probably want a Salman Rushdie book. The only one I've read is Satanic Verses and I think I could entertain myself for years on that book.

4.) One book that made you laugh. The Princess Bride made me laugh.

5.) One book that made you cry. I weep every time I read Little Women.

6.) One book you wish had been written. 2008: The Year the Dems Saved the Free World

7.) One book you wish had never been written. Homecoming by Cynthia Voigt. I had to read it in seventh grade. It was awful.

8.) One book you’re currently reading. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

9.) One book you’ve been meaning to read. I think that my reading list is over there on the right side of the page...

10.) Tag six people. Six? Really? Ok... Gaea, John, Jason, Alex, Scott, Hannah

Gulf

2007-03-20T22:44:00.000-05:00

I'm very far away. When I watch the weather from Florida and they show the map of the country it reminds me of how far away I really am. Cell phones and email and airplanes make it easy to forget that this is so.

Florida is lovely. For a week. More than a week and I'd start to go a little nuts. Everything is so opulent. (I swear to God, I always thought the word opulent was spelled with two ps. Shows what I know.) And slow. And old. The things that are important to me are not well-represented in the appearance or manner of the people here. Granted, I'm staying in the million-dollar condo that my grandparents rent and am surrounded by people who actually live in these places. Just... it's such a different life. Different enough that it's hard to believe that I might have anything in common with these folk.

Went to the treehouse church on Sunday morning. The building is gorgeous, built up on a deck in the middle of a grove of palms. It's a very spiritual setting.

Hannah got here yesterday after a two day delay in Boston. I'm glad she's here.

I read a fascinating article in last month's issue of Atlantic Monthly. From the article...

Doug Bailey had pioneered modern political consulting, working with his late partner John Deardourff on behalf of Gerald Ford and other Republicans. Joining him were Jerry Rafshoon and Hamilton Jordan, Jimmy Carter’s brain trust in the 1976 election that deposed Ford. Graying now, each successful in a career after politics, the three had assembled to discuss plans to produce a book and a documentary film about television’s impact on the political process—something each had helped bring about, and each had found cause to regret. During the course of a year spent researching their project, even these veterans had been alarmed to discover just how dysfunctional the system had become.
...
The three decided on the spot that they would create a third party to represent the center in the 2008 presidential election. To guarantee that it would, they decided that the ticket itself would be bipartisan: one Democrat and one Republican. And if independents with bipartisan tendencies were interested, they’d be welcome, too. They called their new party “Unity08” and resolved that it would operate on the Internet. That way everyone could join the party online and participate as a delegate, helping to build the party’s platform collectively rather than ceding that task to interest groups, as both major parties tend to do. Ultimately, they hoped, these delegates would select a presidential and vice-presidential candidate in an online convention to be held in 2008, just after the major-party primaries determined the Republican and Democratic nominees.

Big cut, I know, but maybe now you'll go read the rest of the article. I feel like my own comprehension of the capabilities and implications of the internet for politics is limited. I keep learning and hearing of new and more innovative ways to use these tubes to engage an increasingly ill-informed public. I worry about the class implications, though. Regular internet access is something that comes with financial stability. I'm completely addicted to the thing but even I would rather eat than email. Subject for another post.

Anyhow, the idea of running a campaign online to elect a bipartisan ticket sort of blows my mind. And... I'm not sure I think it's a good idea. As far as I understand (which, granted, is mostly through hours of West Wing) it's important for the President and the Vice President to get along, at least well enough not to block each other at every turn. Thoughts?

I'll be home on Friday. More updates next weekend.

High maintenance

2007-03-14T18:11:00.000-05:00

I pride myself on being low-maintenance. Generally speaking I am perfectly content to leave the house in the clothes I slept in and yesterday's makeup. The only thing, really, that I insist upon is dental cleanliness. Nothing nastier than going about my day with icky teeth. This week I'm ratchetting up my maintenance level. I'm leaving for Florida on Friday where I'll see my grandparents and a whole beach full of people will see me in a bathing suit. Both of these circumstances require some personal touch-ups. For example, my grandmother would have noticed and almost certainly remarked upon the very-evident blonde roots in my dyed-red hair if I hadn't made it to Moxie yesterday. My hair is now a nice, burnished copper from ends to roots. And I've been tanning. I don't want to scare anyone with my zombie-esque coloring. I don't tan very well anyway and I thought a head-start would be nice. I was right. Tanning could so easily become a vice of mine. I've never been so relaxed in my life as I am for the nine minutes of bliss in that super-heated pod. So, new hair color. Check. Tanning. Check. Oh, yeah, and I went to the chiropractor today to get me all adjusted and ready for a week of minimal activity. Sweet. And I'm getting a manicure tomorrow. I'll keep you posted on how that goes. And then it's Florida, at the crack of dawn on Friday. Should be awesome.

It's too late

2007-03-13T00:26:00.000-05:00

Too late at night that is. I have to get up early.

I figured out why daylight savings messed me up so bad. I didn't have to change any clocks. Zero. Zilch. My phone and computer changed themselves and my roommate changed all the house clocks when I wasn't looking. So confusing... convenient, too, I suppose, but I've gotta find something to bitch about. Maybe I'll just complain about losing an hour during which I could have been sleeping. That's it! Another thing to peg on the Bush administration! An hour less sleep, BEFORE spring break! Fuckers.

What time is it?

2007-03-11T22:58:00.000-05:00

I'm all confused. Weird weekend - too much vodka and not enough of my own bed - combined with daylight savings has gotten me all confused. I'm staying out with my parents last night and tonight. It's far removed from my normal life. It's quiet and slow and my phone doesn't ring. Also, we eat very well. I don't go to bed early, exactly, but I don't worry about it. And I sleep soundly. They don't indulge my crazy but they acknowledge it and let me be.

There's some fun coming up for me.I'm leaving for Florida on Friday. I'll be there with my sister and my grandparents for a week. I'm slated to work on Interact's next show. New school term starts in the next month. I'm almost 22, my lucky age. (I have a thing with twos.)

Last weekend was incredible. I participated in Augsburg's scholarship weekend. I wish I'd hammered something out about it when it was still fresh; I was quite impassioned about the experience at this time last week. I am so deeply honored to be a part of the Augsburg community right now. I spent twelve hours last Saturday with some of my favorite and most respected people making decisions about the future of the college. Higher education is important. I've found myself in a position to have some influence at Augsburg about how I think things should be. And I get to be a part of the important discussions about message and mission. I'm finding it harder and harder to imagine building a life away from higher ed.

The snow that came down in drifts last has been melting in the lovely spring weather we've been having. I took a long afternoon nap today instead of enjoying the weather. Naps are nice, too, though. We grilled dinner outside tonight and then toasted marshmallows on the coals. Mmm, s'mores. Finished of the evening with some TNG. I love coming home more than I can say.

Snow daze

2007-03-02T14:02:00.000-06:00

As far as I can tell it's snowing again. The bit of the outside that I can see between my window and the building next door is filled with snow and there are icicles the size of my leg hanging from the eaves. Everything is canceled today and the building I work in is closed. This weekend is unfortunately busy for me. Augsburg's Scholarship Weekend is supposed to be happening and I volunteered to do some stuff for it. Today's events have been cancelled. We'll see about tomorrow. And Ellen is having a party tonight. Maybe some people will come. Who knows.

Because of the party I've spent a few of the last fourteen hours cleaning. Bathroom and living room are spotless. Sheets are clean, finally. Bedroom is still a disaster. I've also spent too much time reading my favorite teen fantasy fiction. And I have no clean pants. And I'm wearing shorts, a sweatshirt, and a newsboy cap. And I think Ellen has taken my picture a few times. Mostly I'm having a snow day that is more productive than many of my work days are. *sigh*

Who me?

2007-02-28T21:50:00.000-06:00

I am a nerd. This was established long ago. I mean, I spent seventh grade trying my best to dress exactly like my college-professor father and reading Ender's Game more times than I care to admit. Only recently, though, have I turned my nerdy self toward the political arena. So my little gift for you this evening is a link to an article about the influences of recent technological fads on the 2008 presidential election. I'll add some of my own thoughts on potentially important new fads in the world of computing.

Leading up to the 2006 congressional elections and continuing through the announcements of several 2008 candidates, I have been innundated with invitations to political facebook groups. The use by political campaign groups of these virtual social networks was inevitable. It's also remarkably effective. I'm a member of Al Franken's facebook groups which means that I get notices about upcoming events and volunteer opportunities AND I have a database of other similarly-minded people at my disposal in case I need a ride.

Podcasting has become a pretty big deal, too. The BBC's World Update podcast is my main source for news. When I'm bored a peruse various other podcast options... tech news and Sex is Fun. Most major radio stations have podcasts of their broadcasts. As far as candidates and their campaign budgets are concerned, podcasting seems like it has the potential to become a cost-effective way of communicating with constituents and supporters. Certainly podcasting won't replace major network advertising, but it could be a fantastic supplement to mainstream interviews and campaign ads.

Blogging is an obvious piece of this pie. Campaign workers, candidates, opponents - all can enter into comparatively unlimited dialogue in such a forum. We the people - you know, the ones watching the news and wondering what its really like on the campaign trail - can keep up with the lives of the rich and, well, as yet unelected. We voted for the guy we could imagine having a beer with. Blogs are the ultimate tool for letting the public into your (edited) inner monologue.

Stuff to think about - and pay attention to - in the coming months.

Get ready!

2007-02-26T12:06:00.000-06:00

While watching the Oscars last night I was reminded by a PSA of one of the government's more recent attempts at fear-mongering. It's a campaign run by the Ad Council and sponsored by the Department of Homeland Security called Ready and is ostensibly designed to help us Americans prepare for an emergency. They have all sorts of tips about stockpiling food and making an escape plan in case, you know, the terrorists set up bunkers in the grocery stores. The message it sends, though, is more along the lines of "Be afraid. Be very afraid. Only we, the Homeland Security Thugs, can save you now." The whole thing kind of gives me the creeps.

In a nutshell

2007-02-20T13:16:00.000-06:00

I have been in a bad way this week. Things are just very overwhelming and I feel like I can't breathe and I know I can't sleep and then I'm not hungry and then the three things necessary for human life are a struggle. I just watched this episode from the first season of Grey's Anatomy (please don't kill Meredith!) that's all about how much it sucks to be grown up. By the end of the episode everyone realizes that the things you get to do when you're grown up (coed sleepovers, drinking) outweigh the oppression of responsibilty. I'm not quite there yet.

Googe?

2007-02-14T12:52:00.000-06:00

Where is the Love?

I did but see her passing by
And yet I Love her til I die

Or should I say Lingo...

2007-02-13T18:58:00.000-06:00

My only favorite person whose number didn't get drawn last night has made her way into the Fringe by a different route. As you see in the previous post, Commedia Beauregard got a slot in the festival to perform a play by Fringe blogger Chris Kidder. However, this particular show calls for rigging - it's an aerial piece - and the company was not picked for a slot at the only venue equipped for such a show. Oh my, what a conundrum - Allegra with a show and no slot, Chris with a slot and no show! They have embraced the obvious solution and Commedia Beauregard will be presenting Allegra Lingo's "I Hate Kenny G" in the 2007 Minnesota Fringe Festival. All's well that ends well.

Bingo!

2007-02-13T12:24:00.000-06:00

I believe that I told my fellow Fringe lottery-goers last night that I would include in my blog every single show that was picked for a slot in the 2007 Minnesota Fringe Festival. However, I am not going to do that because I assume that someone will get paid to do that and then everyone can see it on the Fringe website. I will, however, post all of the chosen companies that have even the remotest significance to me. In no particular order, here is a sampling of this year's picks:

Timothy Mooney Repertory Theater presents Moliere Than Thou
Maximum Verbosity presents Descendant of Dragons
Al Sicherman presents Geezer Salad
Jeremy D. Pavleck presents Clerks: Genders

(Aside to Zoe - I figured out who this guy is. He volunteered like eight million shifts in the 2006 Fringe and drank with us on a number of occasions.)

Nancy Conger presents The G-Spot Chronicles
Players of Notorious Temerity present 10.14

Ok, so, much to my chagrin, PNT doesn't have a website. (I'll design one for you!) So I'll give some reference info... PNT is Dan O'Neil's company. They presented "Baggage", an original script by Mr. O'Neil, in the 2006 Fringe.

Holly Davis Productions presents Diary of a Self-Help Bootcamp

Holly Davis presented "Goddess" in the 2006 Spiritual Fringe

Awkward Moment Productions presents a new, as yet unnamed show
Third Rabbit Dance Ensemble presents 62

This is John Munger's dance company.

Fast & Hangmoon presents Paranoia
Chopping Block Theater presents Tom Thumb: The Tragedy of Tragedies
Kevin Kling presents a show that he hasn't named yet
Traveling Kurkendaal Productions presents Christmas In Bakersfield or maybe a new show

Les Kurkendaal is great. He's a storyteller from LA and has appeared in the Minnesota Fringe a number of times.

Inept Productions presents a mystery show
Commedia Beauregard presents August We by Christopher Kidder
The Ministry of Cultural Warfare presents The Tyranny of God's Love
The Roodie Pancake Experiment presents A Brief History of Petty Crime

Jimmy Hogg, who presented Curriculum Vitae in the 2006 MN Fringe, will be returning to our lovely city from his home in Great Britain.

Sweet Science presents Music: Vignettes for the Imagination
Four Humors Theater presents Bards

Four Humors performed Deviled Eggs in the 2006 Fringe.

Big Sexy Productions and Courtney McLean present Super Glossy
YPC Alumni Association presents Joe Mauer: The Musical

The lottery was tons of fun. The evening's events included free pizza and free beer. All the usual suspects were there and after the extravaganza at the Mixed Blood we went to our usual hang-out. Amy filled me in on the latest at Interact and their new show, which she wrote. After Phil's name got picked he was much easier to be around. He spent the entire pre-show and first fifteen minutes of the lottery bouncing so much that the whole riser shook. Well, the Fringe gods smiled upon his despite (or because of?) his nerves and he got picked mercifully early on.

That's that. I'm excited about my Valentine's Day plans.

I hear music

2007-02-09T00:49:00.000-06:00

I love Cloud Cult.

With that, good night.

I forgot my shirt

2007-02-08T12:22:00.000-06:00

Despite the extreme temperatures outside, the interior of my apartment remains at roughly 80°. It's nice for a few minutes when I walk in from the arctic blast that is Minneapolis but it gets old in a hurry. As much as I whine about how cold it is, I do sort of like my living space to be a little chilly. Not drafty, just cool. I love wrapping myself in a blanket on the couch to sip on hot chocolate and enjoy a book. Not possible right now. In fact, when my roommate's not around I take off all my clothes because it is TOO FREAKING HOT to keep them on. Oy.

Procrastination has soared to new heights here today. I haven't even found something worthwhile to do instead of writing that damn paper. I could clean my room, wash the dishes, shit, I could even justify spending a good twenty minutes in the shower. Lord knows I need it. And yet... no such luck. Instead I'm tagging music for Last.fm. I am such a loser.

And meanwhile, my dad is "stranded" in Ft. Myers. Poor guy.

Snood

2007-02-07T00:34:00.000-06:00

I'm blogging drunk. Again. See, I'm stage managing my friend Amanda's senior BFA project and after rehearsal we felt the need to go celebrate. What else is there to do on a Tuesday night? So we went to Maxwell's where we could enjoy $2.00 taps and five wings for a dollar. I schmoozed with her acting friends and they seemed to like it just fine. I know how to be friends with actors. (My secret? I just talk up the Fringe.)

The show Amanda is doing is fantastic. I don't even know how to talk about it except to say that it's dark and twisty. There are only two characters and the story follows them from their first meeting to their tenth wedding anniversary. In the scenes that are shown in the play the couple brings out the absolute worst in one another. Both are good, redeemable characters but their weaknesses and foibles are highlighted in this script. It's beautifully painful and harsh. I'm excited to be a part of it.

I am drunk, as I mentioned before, and yet I still managed to beat the Hard level of Snood. Skill or obsession? I'll let you decide.

Backing up

2007-02-05T15:57:00.000-06:00

My weekend was laced with odd encounters. I went to the liquor store on Saturday to stock up for The Game and I must have been looking very helpful. I was standing in front of the beer case weighing my options when a woman approached me. She looked very perplexed which is a little odd because I was at Franklin-Nicollet Liquors and it's a small joint with limited options. Looking embarassed she says to me "Um, my boyfriend asked me to get him MGD and I don't know what that is. Can you help me?" I'm proud to say that I did not laugh. I answered her question and even pointed to a case of Miller. Crisis averted, apparently. So I go on about my business, finally deciding on Guiness and Grain Belt Premium. As I'm fixing to pay this skinny, jittery dude sort of sidles up to me and asks me for a quarter. I had a whole bunch of quarters in my pocket so I gave him one. He accepted it with a grubby and cold-looking hand full of small change. He looks at the coins then looks back up at me then looks at the can of beer that he's holding in his other hand. "Um, do I have enough money for this?" he asks. At this point I'm figuring that this kid's gotta be on something. Or else the cold got to his head. In any event, I had no idea how much his can of beer cost and I told him so. Turns out he just wanted to know how much tax would be on a beer that costs $1.99. I told him it'd be like $2.14 but I think tax on booze is more than 7% so I hope everything worked out for him. So that was a weird fifteen minutes.

On Saturday night I went to the BLB. I got home at about 2:30 am, mostly drunk, and discovered a text message from my sister: "Are you still awake?" Now, because I'm me my first thought was that she was hurt or in jail or really upset or lost or stuck somewhere. Turns out that she called me in the middle of the night because she wanted me to help her get her wireless connection to work. I'm afraid I wasn't very helpful...

Yesterday I stopped at Kowalski's for munchies on my way to a Superbowl gathering. After gathering various and assorted chip-dip-pizza-roll variety snacks and trucking it all out to my car I found myself sitting alone in my car, waiting for it to heat up. All of a sudden someone gets in my car. It's a guy, maybe twenty, and he sits down and shuts his door. I have never seen him before in my life. "Um, hi dude." I say. He looks up at me with a panicked look in his eye and quickly jumps out and gets into the car parked in the spot next to me. I guess he got confused and got into the wrong car. It was weird.

So that's my weird weekend. I also watched some football. That was fun. I'm staying warm for the most part, too. I am very happy about that.

Sentimental

2007-02-04T02:06:00.000-06:00

Three glasses of wine make me all gushy.

Fuck it's cold.

I've had a week to remember. To begine with, my youngest cousin turned ten on Tuesday. I know it shows my age (which is young), but he's the first person who's birth I actually remember. I remember getting the call that he was born and I remember holding him in the hospital when he was but hours into this life. He called me today to ask if I wanted to watch Lord of the Rings with him. I wish I'd been free.

I spent yesterday at Interact. Over he past few months I've let myself fall into sloth. I've slept a lot, laid around more, and generally been both unreliable and unproductive. Just one day at Interact has helped renew my sense of purpose. What did I do there? Between the moments of connection and the feelings of belonging, I fixed a computer, designed a flier, and taught the cast of the upcoming show a song. Oh, and I hung some lights on my lunch break. Nothing - nothing - makes me feel as alive and capable as that place. I need to stop forgetting how worthwhile I am.

This evening, along with some of my favorite Fringe friends, I took in Sin Cities 7 second installment. This month's theme? Gluttony. Miss Salloway and Misters Reppe and Bethel inspired us with their wit and humor as they shared their takes on the sin du jour. It was expectedly delightful. Y'all should show up next month for Wrath. Check BLB's website for updates on dates, times, and ticketing info.

That's all I got. Three glasses of wine are telling me it's time for bed.

Wacko

2007-01-29T20:43:00.000-06:00

I'm losin' it. I've been feeling crazy - you know, not quite in the same reality as anyone else - since some time last week. For starters, I seem to have completely lost my ability to sleep in any reasonable time frame. 3 am - noon or so has been my habit of late. And by about this time of night I'm dragging. Then at midnight I'm so energizing I almost feel like I'm vibrating. And then there's the paranoia. For some reason I keep thinking that there's something physically wrong with me, or that my phone will stop working, or that somethings going to happen to someone I know. I go through phases like this and I really haven't figured out how to snap out of them.

My weekend was alright. I had class on Friday night which made the weekend seem rather shorter than some. I spent the night at my aunt and uncle's house in South Minneapolis on Saturday night while they were away. They have a one-year-old Goldendoodle named Honey. She's a lovely dog, if a little rambunctious. On Saturday, after my aunt and uncle returned, I helped them groom her. We basically did our best to shave her down to her hide. She didn't like it very much. I kept her calm with a pizzle. A pizzle is a long stick thing that dogs love to chew on which are made, I have discovered, of bull's penis. Ew.

I saw The Last King of Scotland over the weekend. In case you haven't heard of it, this film is based on the rise and fall of Idi Amin's dictatorship in Uganda. It's really a beautiful piece of cinema, although from the little research I've done since seeing it I have discovered that it's mostly fictionalized. It does, however, portray some of the more universal elements of the ways in which nations can become willing participants in their own subjugation to tyranny. I recommend it.

I'm addicted to digg.com.

Best cartoon ever

2007-01-27T18:36:00.000-06:00

Commentary on Windows Vista.

Oh, and Happy Blog for Choice Day.

2007-01-22T20:51:00.000-06:00

I am pro-Choice because people's health care choices are their own, because the world is ridiculously full of people, and because I'm sick of the legislation of personal moral and ethical issues. There are many appropriate places for these discussions and decisions - churches, families, hospitals - but the political arena is not one of them.

On shame

2007-01-22T20:13:00.000-06:00

According to Princeton's web dictionary shame is:

a painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt

Oh boy, doesn't that sound unpleasant. Sometimes it feels like everything I do is born of shame. I'm ashamed of my body. I'm ashamed of my tastes. I'm ashamed of my performance in school, at work, as a friend. I'm ashamed of the choices I've made. I gloss over the fact that I spent my rent money on clothes and that the cable doesn't work because I haven't paid the bill.

I've got a lot of shame. It gnaws at me. The word "should" - should have, should not, should do - is in constant orbit around my brain. I should call my grandparents. I should do my homework. I should pick up my apartment. I should come clean. I should not go out. I should not buy new things. I should finish my pasta. Every moment of every day is like this. How do I make it stop? Am I crazy? Is this common? Gah.

Ok, enough of that. I went to see Torch Theater's production of "The Miracle Worker" on Saturday night. It ended up being kind of an odd intersection of different parts of my life. The cast included several actors with whom I have strange and distant connections. The girl who played Helen, her name is Shelby, is getting ready to play the role of Katrin in "Orphan Train" at the History Theater. I was in "Orphan Train" when it debuted in 1998 and Hannah the Sister played Katrin. Small world. As it turns out, I also know one of the other actors, Randy Schmeling. He worked at Starbucks with Mark, of all people, like four years ago. We partied some the summer after my senior year of high school. Incidentally, he's also been cast in Orphan Train. And then I realized that Fred Wagner, father of Ike Wagner with whom I went to high school, was in the show, too. My center-of-the-Universe factor might be rivalling Allegra's these days.

After the show we met up with Zoe and Phil at the Tower. It turned into one of those amazing nights that you can't plan on and just happen now and then. Everything anyone said was hilarious. Someone mentioned at some point that we should be recording the conversation which we definitely should have done because I ended up having too much to drink to remember it very clearly. I do know that at one point we ended up having a very nerdy conversation about words outside under the heat lamp. I laughed so hard there were tears streaming down my face.

Some other weekend highlights in a slightly less wordy form...

I met Lillian Raye on Sunday. She was born on December 31st to some family friends. All I have to say about that is... Babies!

I watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze last night.

I mysteriously haven't seen my roommate in days. We have very different schedules.

Don't give yourself away

2007-01-15T23:59:00.000-06:00

Joni Mitchell makes me think of my mother. I don't exactly remember her listening to much Joni Mitchell - it was usually Joan Baez when my mom controlled the turn-table - but the picture I have in my head fits so perfectly with Joni. She thought of herself as a poet.

I've had a lot of really fantastic bus thoughts this week. See, I do all my best thinking on the bus. There's not much else to do while I'm staring out the window at the same bit of the city I've been staring at twice a day since July. Unfortunately there's not really a good way to record bus thoughts. Hm. Maybe that's why they're so good. Huh. I sort of remember tidbits. I have been thinking more and more seriously about post-graduate study. It sounds crazy coming from me, I know, but... but... I'm just too interested in too many things to really think I could be done with school after I leave Augsburg. There are tons of fascinating grad programs out there. I have to imagine that at least one of them is right for me.

I finally sucked it up and used my Christmas presents to myself. I did some yoga. Only for half an hour, but still. If I can get in half an hour three times a week I think I'll feel really good.

Gaea stopped reading this because she said it got cryptic and boring. So here is a non-cryptic, prosaic account of the past few days.

On Friday I worked all day. Most of the staff was gone at a conference and so it was a busy day for me. The highlight of the working day was pushing a cart full of expensive equipment across campus just to discover that the elevator was turned off in the building of my destination. I got a workman to turn the elevator back on. Jerks. After work I went to my first class of the term. I'm taking Interpreting the Old Testament every other Friday night from 6-10pm til March 23rd. If the class continues in the vein of this first meeting I think I'm gonna have a really good time. I've had this professor before and she's one of the best professors I've had at Augsburg. The subject of the course fascinates me. I appreciate that Augsburg calls its Bible study courses "Interpreting" the Old and New Testaments. Both courses truly do focus on an informed interpretation of the texts, both in terms of the contexts in which they were written and their application in our current context. I'm excited.

On Saturday I slept in. Worked at noon. We've just instituted a new process for accessing the residential network at Augsburg and it's messing everyone up. Lots of calls from unhappy users. Ugh. I tend to make snap judgements about students who come to me for help while I'm working. Based on how they ask their questions I can usually tell whether they'll be helpful to me in diagnosing the problem, whether they'll be appreciative of my help, and whether they will leave the interaction satisfied with the help they received. Unfortunately, if my snap judgement is negative I'll sort of help these prophecies of mine self-fulfill. It's hard to be patient with unhelpful, ungrateful people. (There's a good reason I don't plan on ever having children...) Anyhow, that made my Saturday afternoon busy. Saturday night I went to see Allegra in Women Stand Up! at the BLB. Ellen came with me. In the first sixty seconds after we arrived I ran into maybe five people I hadn't seen in weeks, if not months. Ellen was a little overwhelmed, I think. The show was hit or miss. Allegra was wonderful, as always. She did a new piece and this was her first presentation of it, so the performance aspects were a little rough. She'd say herself, though, that she's a writer who performs her own work, not a performer who writes her own pieces. And I've seen her in shows that were more rehearsed, more familiar, more polished. I know how good she can be. :) The other highlight of the performance was the opening solo act. Cynthia French is a spoken-word artist, Minnesota Rollergirl, and member of the 2006 SlamMN! Poetry Slam team. She was almost too sick to stand on Saturay night but I laughed myself to tears. An impressive performer and writer is Cynthia French. The show was followed by drinks with a few of my fellow audience members and one of the performers.

Sunday... Hannah left on Sunday. That sucked. I worked on the website on Sunday. That sucked less. I saw Gaea on Sunday and we drank mulled wine. That was fantastic. I also watched the Two Towers. w00t.

Which brings us to today. I woke up. I went to work. I fielded more residential network issues. I had coffee with Em and Hannah the Friend. Did some yoga. Now I'm blogging and listening to my Best Fems of Folk mix. I plan to round out the evening with an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

Negativity is the least attractive quality in a person.

stereotypical

2007-01-10T23:54:00.000-06:00

I'm stressed out and bored and so I've sunk into the comfort of culturally defined feel better quick methods: hot chocolate, nail polish, and Friends. The only problem with this is that when I paint my own nails I only ever do my left hand.

I've been at home for a few days. I had a really relaxing time. I wish I could say that I learned something, had some deep epiphany. No, not really.

I did think a lot about family. I love my family. I get the impression that my family isn't like most. We are alike, my family and I. We sometimes argue about little stuff but inevitably those arguements are about how we express ourselves and not about how we really feel. Whatever is underneath all that skin stuff is fundamentally the same. Even my step family is like me in this deep way. I love that and I love them.

Now I know

2007-01-10T13:56:00.000-06:00

A is for age: 21

B is for beer of choice: Bell's Oberon

C is for career right now: Student

D is for your dog's name: No dog.

E is for essential item you use everyday: Spectacles

F is for favorite TV show at the moment: Grey's Anatomy

G is for favorite game: Cribbage

H is for Home town: Minneapolis, MN

I is for instruments you play: Viola

J is for favorite juice: Cranberry

K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: I'm really not the butt-kicking type

L is for last place you ate: Right here

M is for marriage: Oh hell no.

N is for your full name: Caitlin Margaret Milligan Sheaffer

O is for overnight hospital stays: I suppose I stayed over night when I wa born. And again when my sister was born.

P is for people you were with today: Family.

Q is for quote: It is not a sign of good health to be well-adjusted in a sick society. ~J. Krishnamurti

R is for Biggest Regret: Most of the choices I made my senior year of high school.

S is for status: Away

T is for time you woke up today: noon, or thereabouts

U is for underwear you have on now: Um, I think they're Hannah's. Blue. Stretchy.

V is for vegetable you love: Squash is a vegetable, right?

W is for worst habit: Freaking out for no reason. And blowing off school work.

X is for x-rays you've had: Too many. Fingers, arms, ankles, back, feet... too many.

Y is for yummy food you ate today: Apple pancakes for breakfast. Yummy.

Z is for zodiac sign: Aries. Firey.

a million things

2007-01-07T23:48:00.000-06:00

It is so dreary that even at 3 in the afternoon it feels like the early morning. There are a million things that I have been meaning to write about and now I remember absolutely none of them.

I'm feeling all dark and twisty this week. I'll blame the humdrum that sets in post-holidays. And too much late nights of drinking followed by early mornings of working. And the fact that I haven't hung out with my friends in what feels like months.

And now for some very short reviews.

Sin Cities 7 is worth seeing. The series of performance evenings will appear the first Friday and Saturday of each month at the BLB. Each month will feature one of the seven deadly sins as interpreted by various local storytellers, musicians, monologists - basically, any Twin Cities artists with something to say about sin. You missed Lust, the sin du mois for January, but you can catch Gluttony next month. If you're lucky, Rik Reppe will be performing.
Marie Antoinette sucked. Hard. Must Miss.
Grey's Anatomy rocks my fucking socks off.

Til next time...

radio

2007-01-03T12:18:00.000-06:00

I've been trying to remember since I got to work at 9 what it was I thought about blogging last night. It only just now hit me.

I think I mentioned a while ago that I was interviewed for a radio show about experiencing grief and loss during the holidays. We had what ended up being a very cool, very therapeutic conversation about what it's like to go through the months of November and December with the weight of missing a parent hanging on us. The conversation was about an hour long, but the radio spot ended up being barely more than five minutes. Here is a link to the Weekend America archive page, which has a .ram file of the radio spot.

A Life of Prayer

2007-01-02T14:56:00.000-06:00

I'm always rolling around the idea of going to seminary. I flip back and forth between thinking that nothing would suit me better (studies in history, ancient languages, religions, politics, psychology, sociology) and thinking that I am not suited for that kind of study. Part of my reluctance to consider this move as a real possibility in my life has to do with my own feelings of unworthiness, if you will, to follow such a path. I don't want to be a minister. I certainly have no intention of preaching or even persuading any particular religious views. I don't want my religious preferences to define me to those around me.

Point of interest: In a Google search for "ecumenical seminary" two of the top three entries are seminaries in the greater Twin Cities area. Another point for going to seminary.

All that said, quietness and prayer appeal to me very much. I found these lovely photos of monasteries from around the world while internetting today. To live a life of simplicity in such a place... well, it has its appeals.

The Chung Tai Chan Monastery in Taiwan

The Gradac Monastery in Serbia

Nga Hpe Chaung Monastery in Myanmar

Another monastery on Lake Inle, in Myanmar

I have no idea where this monastery is. Does anyone else know?

Montserrat Monastery in Barcelona

Rievaulx Monastery in England

Yumbulagang Monastery in Tibet

Varlaam Monastery in Greece

The library of the Strahov Monastery in Prague

[I found these picture as part of a story on digg.com. I linked the photos to credits where I could find them.]

oh, and... superhero!

2006-12-31T03:37:00.000-06:00

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man		85%
Wonder Woman		68%
Green Lantern		55%
Iron Man		55%
Robin		50%
Hulk		50%
Supergirl		43%
Catwoman		40%
The Flash		40%
Superman		40%
Batman		35%

You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

Oh, and Wil Wheaton is Spiderman, too. Oh, Wil. How I do adore you. :P

california and the galaxy

2006-12-31T03:14:00.000-06:00

Guess what? I've re-emersed myself in... The OC. I got season three for Christmas. And I love it. Seriously, I've been on my couch (well, Hannah's been on my couch, I've been in my only sort of comfortable papasan chair) staring at the television screen for, like, a week. Well, we took an OC break yesterday to watch season six of Sex and the City. So, awesome week. I finally got sick of sitting and televisioning tonight (around 2 am) and gave myself a pedicure. And swept the living room. Oh boy, since Sarah left the cleanliness of this apartment has taken a nose dive.

Ok, so now I'm addressing the television directly. Am I tired or drunk or just insane? Well, I know I'm not drunk. I was a little tipsy a few hours ago. And tired? Hm. I slept til 11:30. And took a nap. Hm.

Um, whoa. I just saw an OC psa. About teen pregnancy. Weird.

I needed this week so badly. The time I spent in Scandia, and now here back at my apartment... I'm recharging. I've barely talked to anyone. Mostly just Hannah and my roommate. And now the roomie is out of town... blissful quiet.

Y'know, despite my love of the easy and anti-social few days I've had, I'm really excited about New Years. I want a new dress. I want to go out. Maybe if I wake up on time tomorrow I'll hook some of that up. Most important? Someone (or someones) I love and champagne at midnight. That's all I ask. Oh, and I'd like to be sober enough at that point to remember the moment.

I'm sort of looking forward to life going back to normal. I'm working again, starting on Tuesday, and then school and hopefully another job. A schedule. Plans. Good.

Another distraction for me

2006-12-28T16:26:00.000-06:00

New blogs are so great, aren't they?

links and miscellany

2006-12-28T14:25:00.000-06:00

What to do on winter break:

sleep
drink hot chocolate
watch tv
watch tv shows on dvd
go to the library
play with your cat
read a book
take a nap
go for a walk
smoke a cigarette
visit Four Eyed Monsters
spend the whole day Digging

2006

2006-12-26T00:00:00.000-06:00

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?

I Fringed. I also moved into an apartment that I intend to stay in for a while. And I got a cat who is mine all mine.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't really think I made any. I'm pretty happy with my life and long-term resolutions usually produce feelings of guilt and failure, so I probably won't make any this year either.

3. Did someone close to you give birth?

Unfortunately, no. I miss babies!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not close to me, exactly. One of my mother's cousins passed away last week. That's shaken me up a bit.

5. What countries did you visit?

Um. I spent a lot of time imagining that I was in India as I was reading Salman Rushdie.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

Will power? Follow through? Routines?

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

March 29th, my birthday. My camping trip. The Fringe.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?

New friends, further investigation into what it is that I really want to be doing

9. What was your biggest failure?

School. Always school.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Normal cold and stress kind of sick...

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My MacBook. I love it.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Hannah. Always Hannah. What a girl.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My own, from time to time. Other than that.... everyone in my life deports themselves rather admirably.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Clothes. Stuff I don't need. Alcohol.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Fringe. And stuff at Interact.

16. ?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you...

I. Happier or sadder?: sadder
II. Thinner or fatter?: exactly the same, i think.
III. Richer or poorer?: poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Studying. Reading. Spending time alone.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Smoking, drinking, staying up too late.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Christmas is over and done with. I spent it exactly how I wanted to.

21. What was your favorite month of 2006?

March was rockin'. August also kind of kicked ass.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?

Yes.

23. How many one-night stands?

Zero?

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Sex and the City and Scrubs.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Um, I don't think so. I don't think I hate anyone, actually.

26. What was the best book you read?

Probably The Satanic Verses. I also really like Love In The Time Of Cholera.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Damien Jurado, Jill Tracy, Joanna Newsome, Coach Said Not To, The Dresden Dolls, Cloud Cult, Ryan Adams, The Decemberists, Calexico

28. What did you want and get?

An apartment, good friends, a computer, love, lots of chocolate

29. What did you want and not get?

Inner peace

30. Favorite film of this year?

I loved Little Miss Sunshine.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Drank too much.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Satisfaction with myself and my choices

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

Look at me! I'm wearing new clothes again! I bought another skirt! And more high heels! I am soooooo trendy! And my hair is short!

34. What kept you sane?

This question presupposes my sanity. I'll say Sarah, though.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

This week? Patrick Dempsey.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Oh jeez. I dunno. Probably the rampant corruption.

37. Who do you miss?

Too many people to name.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Too many people to name.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:

What I think I want and what I actually want are often not the same thing.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Art is why I get up in the morning

But my definition end there

And it doesn't seem fair

That I'm living for something I can't even define.

Ho ho ho

2006-12-25T23:53:00.000-06:00

Christmas time is here... for another fifteen minutes...

My Christmas day was reeeeelaxing. I had all I could ask for: good food, good company, good weather, good music, good books, and plenty of free time. The cats have provided endless amusement. Lots of candy around today and a big and wholesome dinner. Plenty of fun presents and the ones I gave were hits. I like it when I find perfect things for people. I hit maybe two or three out of five on the nose. The cats have provided endless amusement.

So merry Christmas, y'all. Take the cheer and put it somewhere nice this week. Call an old friend, take some time for yourself, smile at a kid. I don't really care what you do but, as the Lupin Lady did, make the world more beautiful.

Apologia

2006-12-23T22:51:00.000-06:00

I really hate it when someone is mad at me. I hate it even more when that person is mad at me for something that I'm already furious with myself about. I hate all that so much for two reasons, really. Part of it has to do with my deep-seated (and fairly typical) need to be loved. The other reason involves the etiquette and motivation of apology. Here's my trouble: My first instinct when anyone is mad at me for any reason is to apologize. I do not stop to consider blame or whether I am in the wrong or whether there is something I need to be apologizing for. Nothing stresses me out more than wandering through my life knowing that someone out there is thinking nasty thoughts about me. So I do everything in my power to mend fences and make whoever I offended un-offended. Unfortunately this sometimes results in apologizing for things that aren't my fault. Things that I should not take responsibility for. Things that have every bit as much to do with someone else's life and baggage as with me or anything I've done. When the edges are fuzzy I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a pushover. I want to be able to assert myself. I don't want to continue a habit of weighing myself down with shit that's not my problem. But I also don't want to be insensitive and I don't want to shirk responsibility that is truly mine to take on. Which side is the side of caution? Where should I err?

soggy

2006-12-22T13:07:00.000-06:00

The weather is... soggy. However, as it is soggy and snowy, I think I'm ok with it.

My sister came home last night. I got to collect her at the airport. It was a little more difficult than it needed to be because of flight cancellations and the fact that I dropped my phone in a puddle. It turns on now but the battery won't charge. *sigh*

I found the loveliest link on Digg today. It hits me in just the right place.

On darkness and light

2006-12-20T12:15:00.000-06:00

The winter solstice happens tomorrow. This is the darkest time of the year and countless cultures have celebrated it by finding light and warmth in fellowship and festival. At this time of year I am innundated by greetings and good tidings in the name of lobotomized American holidays. "Happy Christmas-Kwanzaa-Hanukkah!" That ad, I think it's for a cell phone, that wishes viewers a Happy Christmakwanzukah makes my stomach turn. My least favorite greeting of all comes from the followers of Christ. "Don't forget! Jesus is the reason for the season!" Why do I hate this so much? Other than the fact that it's the sort of thing that a brainwashed member of the Christian-jugend would say, I am bothered by this because it is pretty much false. Christmas is not even close to being the oldest winter holiday. Hanukkah celebrates an event that happened 200 years before Jesus was born. We've got solstice celebrations happening in ancient Western European cultures (Celts come to mind, as do the Germans with their Velkommen Yule) and tons of Eastern traditions. So Jesus? Not so much. More like Jesus and his Christians are pacifying the pagans and Romans and shit by giving them a Christian holiday to replace their sacriligious ones.

Speaking of darkness and light and contrast, I found some beautiful artwork that utilizes blank space.

This week feels like it must be almost over. I'm not going home until Sunday night, but a weekend of friends and loosening muscles will be welcome.

Soon I will be done (with the troubles of the world...er, school)

2006-12-17T15:29:00.000-06:00

Change your room, change your life

I've been so unhappy these past few weeks and I've finally decided to do something about it. I've started by cleaning and rearranging my room. I never really unpacked when I moved in July, nor did I ever deal with all the additional crap that showed up in September. I'm still dealing with most of it by shoving it in boxes and putting it in the basement, but my room sure looks better. And I feel better. I don't know whether my mood has been changed by the act of organizing or by the newly livable space or both, but it's helping. Tomorrow is laundry day and then the cleaning will be nearly complete.

[Aside: I haven't done laundry since before I went to Boston. In October.]

This reorganization motivation was brought on mostly by a trip to Ikea yesterday. If only money and space and time were no object I would love to have a house to decorate. My financial situation at the moment doesn't really lend itself to any kind of redecoration, even on a small scale, but I always keep these plans in the back of my mind. The Ikea decorating people are brilliant. The showrooms are so very desirable. I don't just want to buy the furniture, I want to tear down walls and entirely rearrange the layout of my apartment to look exactly like the displays at Ikea. I'll have to invest in something new soon. I'm acquiring a queen sized mattress sometime soon (my first real grown-up bed!) and it'll need a frame. I want this one because then I can add on this shelf and maybe even this cool thing when I can afford them.

My trip to Ikea happened because my new roommate Ellen needed sheets and stuff. Ikea was, of course, a complete nuthouse yesterday. And as long as we were braving the crowds in Bloomington we figured we might as well hit up The Mall. Ellen, being a recent transplant to Minnesota from Indiana, had never been before. I hope I impressed her with my mall savvy-ness. I knew exactly how to get to H&M. And Urban Outfitters. Go me.

I'm still anxiously awaiting the coming holidays. I love winter holidays. The end of December heralds the return of all the people I love to the city I love. This year is the first year that my sister is among those returning and I am SO EXCITED TO SEE HER! I've seen her twice since we left, but now I'll get to see her for real. And by that I mean that we will get to spend a whole day in bed watching Friends. And The OC. Also returning to the still snowless land of 10,000 holes filled with ice are about half a dozen best friends from the corners of the country. So my social life can stop being so predictable for a few weeks.

I wonder what this year's parties will be like.

a little? a lot?

2006-12-14T20:15:00.000-06:00

Hey. As it turns out, getting out of bed sometimes turns out to be a good thing. It doesn't seem that way, generally, when you're still in bed and comfortable. But as much as you might be dreading your day, it's far, far worse to stay in bed.

I saw "A Christmas Carol" at the Guthrie last night. That was fun. I can imagine it getting old after, oh I don't know, 32 years. But I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Week in review: Bears won on Monday night, which I celebrated with a Jäger shot. State Your Name, our Tuesday Night Trivia team, won on Tuesday which I celebrated maturely with a glass of water. And a shot of Jäg. Wednesday I spent the whole day craving hot chocolate with peppermint Schnapps and then I went to the Guthrie and then Cue didn't have either hot chocolate or peppermint Schnapps. I was disappointed and settled for Bailey's on the rocks. Today was lame. I worked. Ooo, ooo, I got a free massage! I forgot about that... and now I've got nothin.

I'm sittin' on most of the same thoughts as usual. I've spent a good deal of time recently thinking about insurance and medical care. My own health insurance is changing, getting more expensive, because it's no longer affordable for the employer to subsidize an affordable plan. That's just... upsetting. How messed up is it when even those who have insurance, full time jobs, salaries, houses, families, can't afford to go to the doctor when they get sick? Fuck.

How much have you changed in 3 years?

How old were you?
Then: 18
Now: 21

Where did you go to school?
Then: South. High. That's right. Three years ago I was in high school.
Now: Augsburg College

Where did you work?
Then: Work? Hahahahaha.
Now: Augsburg

Where did you live?
Then: Deep south Minneapolis
Now: Uptown Minneapolis

Where did you hang out?
Then: Um, Sarah's house and... Mark's apartment I suppose.
Now: The Leaning Tower.

What was your hair style?
Then: Really long. Blonde. Straight. Parted in the middle.
Now: Messy, short, red.

Did you wear glasses?
Then: I did
Now: I still do

Who was your regular-person crush?
Then: Jake, probably, knowing me.
Now: Wait, question. Am I the regular person in this scenario or is it my crush? Cuz that's confusing.

How many tattoos did you have?
Then: 0
Now: 0. This week, at least.

How many piercings did you have?
Then: 4
Now: 6

What car did you drive?
Then: 1993 Ford Escort Wagon. Green.
Now: The #2 Bus

What was your worst fear?
Then: Men with knives.
Now: Regrets

Had you smoked a cigarette?
Then: yes...
Now: still yes...

Had you been arrested?
Then: no
Now: no

Had your heart broken?
Then: I don't know.
Now: I still don't really know.

Darkness wakes...

2006-12-12T22:59:00.001-06:00

I like people. Me and people get along really well. When I was little and obnoxious my interpersonal skills got in my way. I had to count on my precociousness and wherewithal to get people to like me. Now, though, I think my personability makes a lot of people forgive my lack of dependability or any truly useful skills. I get away with too much.

I'm looking forward to a fresh start. I've dug myself into too many holes to count in the last several months and it's time to exorcise my life of the all demons I found at the bottom of them. This holiday season will, I hope, be a time of quiet for me to marinate with all the shit I've been avoiding. Also a time for warm alcoholic drinks, presents, and cookies. I assume that those things will help with the marination. Ooo, and Christmas songs. I love Christmas songs.

Time for a poll. What is your favorite holiday tune? Fair game: Christmas carols, commercial jingles, etc.

2006

2006-12-09T15:15:00.000-06:00

JANUARY

Who kissed you on New Years?
Josh, probably. Who knows.

Did you have a New Year's resolution this year?
Maybe, I don't remember.

Does it snow where you live?
Not as much as I'd like. Not yet this year, at least.

Do you like hot chocolate?
Of course! I'm not a Communist....

Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?
I've never been at Times Square ever, for any reason.

FEBRUARY

1. Who was your Valentine?
I guess I didn't really have one.

2. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class?
Oh for sure. And I wrote something different on each of them.

3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
Punxsutawney Phil, you mean? No.

MARCH

1. Are you Irish?
Why yes, I am. How did you know?

2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day?
Nope, orange.

3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2006?
Shit, no idea. Drank myself silly, probably.

4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
Yes, because it heralds my BIRTHDAY!

APRIL

1. Do you like the rain?
Only if the outdoor temperature is above 55 degrees.

2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
No, lame.

3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter?
Not anymore. I did when I was wee.

4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
Never intentionally.

5. Do you love the month of April?
Well, I don't hate it...

MAY

1. What is your favorite flower?
Lilacs?

2. Do you like the spring season?
Love it.

3. Finish the phrase "April showers:
Bring May flowers... is there another way to finish that?

4. What is the first color you think of when you think of Spring?
green?

5. Did you go to Prom?
Junior year. It was lame. My dress was pretty, though.

JUNE

1. What year did/will you graduate from high school?
2003.

2. Did you do anything fun during this month?
This year I spent June working and drinking. So yes, fun. Oh, and I think I went camping.

JULY

1. What did you do on the Fourth of July?
I watched fireworks in Powderhorn Park. July 3rd was more fun, though. I got to drive an old locomotive and watch fireworks over the St Croix.

2. Did you go on any vacations during this month?
No, I didn't. Unfortunately. I actually had a sadly vacationless summer.

3. Do you blast the A/C all day?
Too expensive!

AUGUST

1. Did you do anything special at the end of your summer?
Not really. Work got crazy.

2. What was your favorite summer memory of '06?
Fringe 2006. The real ten best days of summer.Screw that Aquatennial shit.

3. Did you have a sunburn?
I think I managed to completely avoid sunburn this year. Wow, I hadn't thought of that. Shit, that's amazing!

4. Did you go to the beach a lot?
Um, no. City lake sand is dirty.

SEPTEMBER

1. Did you attend school/college in '06?
Unfortunately.

2. Who was your favorite teacher(s)? in september?
Reichenbach, 100%

3. Do you like fall better than summer?
Oh hell no.

OCTOBER

1. What was your Halloween costume?
I was a lion. Rawr.

2. What is your favorite candy?
Chocolate candy or sugary candy? For the chocolate type I'll go with Milky Way Midnights. Sugary... well, Airheads are awesome. As are Sour Patch Kids. And Sweet Tarts. Yumtastic. Side note - I was so craving of candy the other day that I started eating sugar with a spoon.

3. Who's birthday is during this month?
Kip's.

NOVEMBER

1. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
This year I went to the new Kouneski-Watterson-Milligan-Sheaffer Homestead out in Scandia. It was deeelightful.

2. Do you love stuffing?
Wild rice stuffing, yes. Bread stuffing, ew.

3. What are you thankful for?
Most things. Life, love, [insert more cliches here]

DECEMBER

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
Sort of, in a secular sort of way. We do the tree, food, family, carols, gift-giving thing but keep the Jesus talk to a minimum.

2. What is December 1st, 2006?
12/1/06? The 335th day of 2006? The 121st anniversary of the introduction of Dr. Pepper? The 51st anniversary of the defiance of Rosa Parks on a city bus in Montgomery? The 37th anniversary of the instatement of the draft for the Vietnam War? Madame Tussaud's birthday? World AIDS day? What are you looking for here?

3. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
I don't think so, oddly enough.

4. Get anything special last year?
Yes, I did.

5. What do you want this year?
Someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright.

6. Do you like cold weather?
Y'know, I kind of do.

The Christian Right

2006-12-04T17:50:00.000-06:00

I'm doing a project on the influence of religion on politics in America. I'm all messed up about the issue. It seems like religion could be so good for society, teaching love and respect and equality among people. Unfortunately, that's not at all how it works out. Men like James Dobson and Jerry Falwell make their way into the inner circles of policy-making and influence. I don't even know whether they believe what they preach or if they simply believe in pandering to people's close-mindedness and fear. Focus on the Family? What, make sure that you are so restrictive that as soon as your kids hit the "real world" they are completely unequipped to deal with it? Create yet another generation incapable of embracing necessary change? Or how about The Christian Coalition. Here we have a group of Christians who are opposed to granting people basic human rights, like choosing who to love or being in control of their own bodies. This group fights union organization. And my favorite of all is the organization that presumes to call itself the "Moral Majority". Really, guys? Honestly? You're claiming that a majority of people in this country WANT politics to be based entirely on the values of conservative Christians. Bullshit. Bull-fucking-shit. Our illustrious President, who is trying to do just that, has an average approval rating of 36.2% in November 2006.

So what can I, as a person of faith and a supporter of the benefits of community in shared faith, do? I'm unsure about where to go from here.

I think I could still be...

2006-12-02T12:57:00.001-06:00

It has recently come to my attention that I chronically confuse Andy Warhol and Norman Rockwell. Weird? Well, yes. They do both have bad hair...

Sarah and I have a Christmas tree. A little tiny plastic Christmas tree. With a Santa hot on top. :P

I'm very excited about December 21st. This stupid semester will finally be over.

Minneapolis got Boing Boinged!

2006-11-29T13:52:00.000-06:00

So Boing Boing posted a story about Minneapolis. A story about Minneapolis being really really dumb. Ugh.

Argle Bargle

2006-11-28T16:50:00.001-06:00

What a headache. Those flash games that I mentioned have destroyed my brain.

The college has put up half a dozen Christmas trees in the quad and covered them with white Christmas lights. The effect is quite lovely at night, but rather junky-looking during the day. I suppose it's nighttime for longer than it's daytime at present. Anyway, my favorite thing about the Christmas trees is that they make the whole quad smell like pine needles. Gets me into the spirit a bit.

I turned in my change-of-program form today. I will soon be a Weekend College student, officially. My next task, I suppose, is to figure out how to order my life in a sense-making way. I don't doubt that busy-ness will continue.

I heard something perturbing on the radio last week. KS95 ran a show on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving inviting callers to phone in and rant about things they were un-thankful for. All the calls I heard covered the usual, run-of-the-mill, if-you-hate-it-so-much-then-why-don't-you-fucking-do-something-about-it stuff. It's just... so many of us spend most of the year dwelling on those things that piss us off and stress us out. Can't we give it a rest for just one week in November? I know that this is an overreaction but the whole incident just sort of depressed me.

Myself, I didn't focus on thankfulness this weekend either. The day itself was lovely. We - my immediate family and I - spent Thanksgiving out at my parents' house in Scandia. The house is on about five acres of mostly unlandscaped property. Lots of brambly woods and scruffy grass. We walked and ate and played some games. It was low-key, but not very festive. Hannah arrived in the afternoon after hours and hours of airplane travel so she was wiped out. I enjoyed myself, but it wasn't... special.

The rest of the weekend was extremely normal. I drank too much, slept too much, and watched too much television. There was perhaps a bit more drama than usual, expectedly I suppose, but again, nothing special. I'm feeling too run-down to make my own specialness.

Let me repeat - argle bargle. I am so fucking sick of myself.

I'm really confused about the nature of being. I can't stop thinking about what it means to be alive and to be human. I maintain that the only thing of any importance is experience but experience can't always be communicated. We talked in class this morning about something called first-person perspective. First-person perspective is basically just a fancy name for self-awareness, of our own concept of an active and conscious self. Because a human being possesses first-person perspective, he can think of himself as an "I". How do I know, though, that any given person has this kind of self-awareness? I know because he tells me. He says "I think" and "I feel". It counts because it is communicated. I don't recognize my cat as having first-person perspective because he can't tell me that he does. So what is existence as a thinking, feeling being? Can I be said to think and feel if I can't figure out how to tell someone that I can?

Flash!

2006-11-21T17:53:00.000-06:00

I got sick of Yahoo! Games and so I rediscovered Snood. Bad news bears. Now my head is just pounding. Ughtastic.

This has been an odd week. One of my three classes was cancelled both yesterday and tomorrow. One of the remaining two is a Thursday night class so that obviously won't be happening this week. That means that the only class meeting I have to go to all week long happened this morning. Philosophy of Religion. It's hands down my favorite class and not just because I like the other students in it. I am rarely as intellectually engaged as I find myself becoming in that class and when I'm discussing/studying for that class. Today we talked about souls.

What do you think? What is a soul? Do you believe in the existence of a soul?

I've spent yesterday and today chillin' with my cousin for the afternoon. The little dude doesn't have school all week and I offered to hang out with him as my schedule allows. He's a great kid. We hit up the arcade at The Mall yesterday and walked the dog today. It was a beautiful day, by the way. Exactly the sort of day when I always really want to have a dog to walk.

Anyhow, that's what's up with me. Tonight I'm layin' low. I need a break. But first I need dinner.

Oh, and prepare for a treatise on the soul. It's coming.

Duplicity

2006-11-13T23:40:00.000-06:00

So I've got these two lives I'm living.

In one life I'm a college student. I'm in the Honors program, student representative to the Honors student council and the Honors faculty council. I'm working on a website, for students - by students, for the Admissions department. I'm a student worker for the college's IT department. This whole life depends on me being a student which would be fine except for the whole classes/homework/tests/studying part. I'm a terrible student. I love learning, discussing, reading, but I love these things on my terms. College, it seems, is an exercise in conforming to someone else's process. And so, ultimately, despite the job and the fun projects and the influential positions I am miserably unhappy in this life because of its foundation.

In my other life I... well, I drink a lot. I aspire to too many hours of poorly paid small theater work. I stay up late and sleep into the afternoon. I watch a lot of tv. I relish my lack of responsibility and I thrive on the knowledge that I can find a friend to join me to a bar on any given night. I like to be productive in this life but I don't like to be relied on. I like to have friends but I don't like to be accountable. I want more than anything to spend my days working and my evenings forgetting about work. I want to have more time to devote to the things I care about without constant guilt that I'm not getting everything done.

So what do I do? Should I suck it up, finish school, sublimate the deep unhappiness until I'm the fuck out of here? Or should I give up, drop out of that life entirely, and focus on turning my life into something I want it to be? Is there a happy medium? I don't know. I just don't know.

Blurble

2006-11-11T20:27:00.000-06:00

I don't have much to say except that I just saw Stranger Than Fiction and it was really fucking good and so you should go see it. Also, I've done nothing in the past 24 hours.

This week's been so hot!

2006-11-10T12:24:00.000-06:00

Ok, first of all it's fucking NOVEMBER and I went out on Wednesday without a coat. Because it was like 70 degrees. Second of all, the election was exciting and gratifying.

I think maybe part of the reason I'm feeling so awesome is that I've been walking everywhere this week. It's been beautiful and I've had the opportunity to travel by foot and it's been brilliant. I keep saying I'm going to start exercising and at some point I've actually gotta do it.

The setback? I'm woefully behind in just about every aspect of my life. I've got a pile of unanswered emails, unreturned phone calls, and unfinished to do lists. I don't see myself falling into line on this willingly, either, so it looks like the next several weeks will be rather unpleasant. On the plus side, I'm not letting it get me down.

Hannah is in New York. I am so jealous. I wasn't expecting to be so sad about missing the opportunity to discover New York with my little sister. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving when she'll be coming home.

Oh no! I almost forgot!

2006-11-08T13:59:00.000-06:00

Sayonara Rumsfeld!

It's a new day

2006-11-08T13:30:00.000-06:00

Here's a quote for you...

"Actually, I thought we were going to do fine yesterday," Bush said. "Shows what I know."

All is not peaches and cream, though. For one thing, Minnesotans elected Tim Pawlenty again. Granted, he's the only Republican state-wide official we set up yesterday but it is an indication of where the population comes down on some party issues.

My other disappointment comes in the decisions that several states made in terms of constitutional amendments. Colorado, Idaho, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Virginia and Wisconsin all voted in favor of an amendment banning same-sex unions. Shockingly, Arizona denied that measure becoming the first state to vote against such an amendment.

Here's a little anecdote from last night. After arriving at Rik's house I immediately went to the kitchen to pour myself a whiskey ginger. I grabbed a big plastic cup out of the cupboard and filled it up with bourbon-y, gingery goodness. Unfortunately, it was only after I'd poured my drink and picked it up that I realized the cup had no bottom. I like my whiskey better when it's not on the floor.

Blue Moon

2006-11-07T22:19:00.000-06:00

Dems take the house!

Senate's still on the fence. I've got my fingers crossed.

Who me?

2006-11-07T14:44:00.000-06:00

I voted! I am a lean, mean, voting MACHINE! I also haven't changed my clothes in two days. Eww! Basically I'm a freak. But I did, with some help, come up with an awesome vote for Caitlin slogan, just in case I ever decide to run for Student Council Treasurer or something. Here goes:

Caring
Awesome
Intelligent
Tenacious
Loquacious
Intimate
Narcissistic

So that's that...

I missed it!

2006-11-06T00:41:00.000-06:00

National Drunk Writing Month has come and gone. On Saturday night I was holed up at home, relaxing and watching animated children's movies. It was lovely.

I woke up on my own this morning. I drank some tea, ate some pancakes, went for a walk down a dirt road with my dad, and fell back asleep while doing a crossword. I was awakened by the sound of running water; my stepmother was in the process of drawing a bath for me. I slipped into warm, rose-scented water and floated in silence for nearly an hour. When I got out there were clean, dryer-heated clothes for me to climb into and food ready to be eaten. I was taken care of at home just like I needed.

Now I'll hunker down on the couch, my preferred sleeping place these days, and drift off to the sound of a rumbling feline.

Freedom

2006-11-04T23:44:00.000-06:00

Courtesy of the fine folks over at Liberal Media Elite...

Watch it.

Vote November 7th.

Gone til November

2006-11-04T18:52:00.000-06:00

Every year November comes around. Makes some kind of sense that this month is National Novel Writing Month. I like Zoe's idea better, though, since I don't work in long form or fiction. I don't know that I'll get a blog post up every day or anything, but hopefully my out put will increase over the coming weeks. And hopefully writing will make me feel better.

More than heartbreak, more than being broke, more than broken plans, November brings me down. The darkness of the month is heralded by the Daylight Savings switch. Even though there's not significantly less light the first Saturday in November than there was the last Saturday in October, there's something about the number on the clock glowing 5:30 through a dark room that never fails to make me feel utterly defeated.

our endless numbered days

2006-11-03T17:43:00.000-06:00

So many days stacking up. So much productivity stacking up. So little will to catch up.

(A little gem from That 70s Show: Nobody likes a loud muff.)

I don't actually remember what I've spent most of this week doing. I know that Halloween happened, the one time of year when death is celebrated by someone other than the Irish. I went to a costume party last weekend but didn't really observe the day of. Actually, we went to trivia at the Tower on Tuesday night and WON. That's right, we finally broke the curse of third place and came in first in trivia. It was a day to remember... I managed to feel helpful by knowing the answer to a question that no one else on my team knew the answer to. That's real trivia stardom right there.

I haven't gotten much sleep this week. I've been busy and horribly insomniactic (that's so not a word) and completely wired for no apparent reason.

cat

2006-10-31T16:52:00.000-06:00

missed me missed me now you've got to kiss me

2006-10-22T01:06:00.000-05:00

I have consumed much tea on this trip. Not intentionally, really, just because I've been hanging out in cafes and coffee makes me jittery. I love hanging out in cafes. Tonight we went to Trident with Hannah's friend Nutty. We ran into a friend of Nutty's and just sat and drank coffee/tea/wine/foamy milky things... my favorite way to pass an evening. We talked about nothing but it filled the space for a few hours and I left feeling connected and calmed.

I want to spend some time in a city alone. Figuring out how to get around Boston, the little of it that I've seen, has been on the edge of adventure. So far I've sort of had a plan, a destination, and a time-frame. But I can feel it, the excitement of setting out in a new city without a real tour guide. I want more. I want self-sufficiency. I want private, personal discoveries. I want to get lost. It has to be a place, though, where I can spend at least a few evenings with friends.

Speaking of Boston, I saw The Dresden Dolls at First Ave with Zoe on Wednesday night. I have trouble comparing my various concert experiences. I don't see live music particularly frequently and so I can't help but associate any given concert with a very particular time in my life. As with all entertainment, my concert companion has a significant infuence on my experience as well. That said, I fucking loved the concert. Was it among the best I've seen? I think so. High energy, impressive theatrics, bad-ass covers. O, it was so awesome. Zoe was an excellent concert companion. Crowd was totally diggin' it. I was totally diggin' it.

Back to real life tomorrow.

Days are cold and grey, it's hard to be away

2006-10-18T12:52:00.000-05:00

I heard Keith Ellison speak yesterday. What a guy. I'm feeling painfully inarticulate right now but, wow, he really impressed me. His easy manner and genuine interest in his audience... I think he's fantastic.

Here's my gift for you today. And since you've all been so good, here's a bonus.

da da doo dum

2006-10-16T23:56:00.000-05:00

Slept. That's about the most productive thing I did today. It's a hard time of year for a lot of people, myself included. I'm tired and unmotivated. My week from here on out is probably going to be a little bit busy and a little bit uninteresting, at least until Friday when I go to Boston.

She's so lucky

2006-10-15T22:48:00.000-05:00

My finger is so healed and the stitches are STILL IN. I'm getting them out tomorrow but jeez, I could practically cut 'em out my own self at this point. I don't really even need a Band Aid but people get grossed out by stitches so I hafta cover them up.

Weekends are short. Mine wasn't awesome enough to satisfactorily maximize the freedom. The highlight? Ain't Misbehavin' at the Penumbra. Seriously, y'all should see it. I knew the show and loved it already, but this cast blew me out of the fuckin' water. No joke, I could not wipe the smile off my face for hours. It was the coolest experience, too. Bill's working this show and so I got there early with him and kicked it with bits and pieces of the cast and crew before the show. It's my favorite thing about the backstage experience - watching the cast go from sweat pants and raunchy jokes to energetic characters under bright lights and then back to regular old people... I always feel so special when I get to witness that transformation. And these people are good people. Like I said, I couldn't stop smiling. :)

The rest of the weekend was uneventful. Oh wait, I forgot! I got smashed at Chevy's last night with Sarah - who's not drinking - and Amanda - who was hung over. So I was the only person drunk and it all happened by like 8:30. By the time I got to a party at 11 I was sober and headachy. So that was kind of eventful. Other than that... yeah, nothin'.

Well, I did buy a Halloween costume. I'm going to a Vegas themed party so I've decided to be the MGM lion, like the one in the MGM Grand. I found this great little kid lion costume at Savers that has a tail and a hood, complete with ears and a furry mane. I can cut those parts off and, paired with a brown body suit, end up with the perfect costume. So much easier than I anticipated...

So now I'm trying to reconcile myself to another week of lameness. And then, on Friday... BOSTON!

Thing One and Thing Two

2006-10-13T00:48:00.001-05:00

You can't sneeze with your eyes open. It's physically impossible. I haven't actually tried, though...

I've been having awful nightmares about Gateway tech support. I call them almost ever day for Augsburg computers. It's easy to do because all our machines are fully covered for any kind of error or damage. Still, I have to call in all the replacement and troubleshooting orders. When I call the support line an automated system answers. The automated system is narrated by a woman with a smooth jazz voice. You know the kind I'm talking about. So there's this woman and the interaction goes like this:

Gateway lady: Hello! Thank you for calling Gateway Professional Support. Before I can get you the help you need, I'm going to ask you a few questions. You can respond by speaking your answers to me. Now, what can I help you with today: information about an order or technical support?

Caitlin: Technical support.

GWL: Great! What kind of system can I help you with today? Desktop? Notebook? Serv-

Caitlin: Desktop

GWL: Alright! Now, I'm going to need your systems ten digit serial number. If you need time to find the serial number you can say "Wait a minute." (Beat) Does your serial number have any letters in it?

Caitlin: No.

GWL: Please read the serial number to me one digit at a time.

Caitlin: ##########

GWL: Thanks! Now I'll connect you to the next available technician.

(Cue horrifying and repetetive on-hold music)

Ok, so that's how it goes. However, I've been dreaming - no, having nightmares - about a horrible breakdown in the system. In my dreams I can't get the Gateway Lady to understand me. I say, "Technical support," and she says, "I'm sorry. I didn't get that. Can you repeat your answer?" So I repeat myself and repeat myself and GWL gets more and more robotic until finally she turns into a terrifying cybernetic broken record. "I'm sorry-I'm sorry-I'm sorry." Sort of like Lal from that one episode of Star Trek: TNG. Oh it's creepy.

Thank God it's Friday. I have spent too much of this week with my jaw clenched. I'm exhausted (why am I still awake?) and edgy. I haven't actually snapped at anyone but I just about broke down yesterday when I got home only to realize that I'd left my keys at school. Sarah, the darling roommate that she is, came to my rescue and let me into my (only-marginally-warmer-than-the-outdoors) apartment. Still, since I couldn't lock the door behind me or get back into the building once I'd gone, I had to stay in. Not the worst thing ever, but a whole night alone? Ugh. I slept through most of it.

I'm going to Ain't Misbehavin' tomorrow night. That's like the only thing I have planned for the weekend. So, if you wanna hang out... call me.

a little bit o' twang

2006-10-09T19:08:00.000-05:00

What have you overheard in Minneapolis? Or Chicago? Or New York? Or Boston?

I had a fantastic weekend. Low key to the extreme. On Friday I joined Jan and some friends to a small festival in the West Bank Arts Quarter. There were some really cool performance art pieces, including a dance in Velcro suits that my stepsister was involved with. Then I watched the last disk of season one of Scrubs. For all of you who have been on my case to get into this show, I'm sorry I waited so long and thank you for thinking of me. For those of you who don't watch it - go rent/Netflix season one or watch it in syndication. So then more stuff happened, drinking lalala friends lalala food lalala tv lalala and then it was early on Monday and I was schoolin' and workin' and bein' on the radio.

Watched Ray this afternoon. It was good, I guess. Got really sappy towards the end. Ended kind of abruptly amidst the sap, actually. Kind of a disappointment, I guess.

And now back to the sadly Maddenless Monday Night Football and beer and mac&cheese.

Ouch.

2006-10-06T16:08:00.000-05:00

I hurt my finger.You see, I was installing a disk drive in a Gateway desktop when an errant piece of metal attacked me. Yesterday looked something like this: wake up (yawn), class (late, as usual), worky worky worky, OW! OWOWOW!, emergency room visit, 1 tetanus vaccination, 4 novacain shots, 4 stitches, meeting, home.

This has not been my week.

Week in review

2006-10-04T13:35:00.001-05:00

For those of you reading this on Facebook the lost phone story will be old news. Last week kind of sucked. I lost my phone and my iPod on Wednesday. I ended up finding my iPod (someone picked it up from the classroom I left it in) but my phone went the way of the buffalo. Or the way of a phone left on the number 2 bus. Sigh. I did manage to replace my phone for minimal cost (I was due for an upgrade) but I still don't have anybody's number. I should just back that shit up. More sighs.

It's been a week full of sports. Baseball has been intense. Who knew the Tigers would tank in the last series of the season? And against the Royals, for Pete's sake! I went with Bill and his family (family = mom + step-father) to the Michigan v Minnesota game on Saturday night. That was really fun. We sat in the Michigan alumni section so I got to be a Wolverine for an evening. Apparently it's great to be a Michigan Wolverine. (Aside: I've been making fun of Bill and his seemingly irrational adoration of "Hail to the victors valiant," Michigan's fight song. However, as soon as I was standing amidst a crowd, all singing and pumping their fists without even a marching band to back them up, I kinda felt the need to jump on the bandwagon. So, hail to the victors. Go Blue! /aside) Bill's parents were pretty awesome. And Bill was pretty awesome. The weekend, in general, was pretty freakin' awesome.

So anyway, back to baseball. At the football game on Saturday I was surrounded my Michiganders, all of whom were obsessively checking the score of the Tigers game on their PDAs. I actually sort of got into it with a guy who got pissed when the announcer told us the score during half-time. Jerk. Even John, Bill's step-father, agreed that he was being obnoxious. Go Twins!

I didn't treat my body too horribly this weekend. I neither stayed up ridiculously late nor drank myself into drunkenness. Still, I woke up Monday morning with the sniffles and by noon I was pretty much stuck on the couch with a box of Kleenex on my lap. I stayed that way all of Monday and most of Tuesday, alternating between trying to get stuff done and sleeping. I probably slept 25 hours during the two days. I couldn't even keep myself awake during the Twins game yesterday. Not that I missed anything I might have wanted to see... get your act together, team! Jeez!

So now I'm horribly behind at both work and school. Luckily I have a weekend mostly free of plans coming up. Maybe I can catch up. We shall see...

Complete my image

2006-09-27T12:53:00.000-05:00

Check out my Johari window.

And my Nohari window.

Annie particularly should like this one.

Tryst and banal

2006-09-26T17:30:00.000-05:00

Tryst and banal are two words that I didn't learn to pronounce correctly until I was in college. I still think they sound wrong when spoken aloud and the pronunciations I gave them (try - st and BANE-al) still seem to me to represent their meanings more onomatopoetically. Whatev.

I'm trying so hard to get things done this semester.

I just slept for an hour on a couch in the basement of Lindell Library.

I've had a head full of great ideas and witty anecdotes but now I can't seem to recall any of them. I'm too tired and too frustrated.

I had a little taste of what it's like to be Allegra last week. Every single day I found on my #2 bus a different person from my relatively distant past. Thank goodness I've given up on self-consciousness and awkwardness so that I could go say hello to all these people. It was kinda fun.

Chelsie was here this weekend and we went shopping. It was fun. A little heartbreaking still. I'm so glad I got to see her.

My dad is home. Weird.

School is alright. I need to be vigilant about not letting it slip through the cracks.

I saw The Last Kiss on Saturday with Emilie and Hannah. I had such a good time with the girls. Really I ought to work harder at seeing them. I miss 'em. The movie was two things:

It was set in Madison. This was distracting.
It was depressingly real. The relationships were complicated and blurry and it was impossible to assign blame or rightness or wrongness and I want my entertainment to be easier to figure out than that.

It was really good, though.

I was elected co-president of my Honors House. Woo!

I'm meeting The Parents next weekend. We're goin' to the football game.

Reason 807 that I love Weird Al

2006-09-23T12:49:00.000-05:00

He just so white and nerdy!

Clap Your Hands

2006-09-20T13:16:00.001-05:00

This is post #222 on this blog. Being my superstitious self that makes me think something wonderful will happen today. 2 is my favorite number.

Somehow while sorting through old photos and deleting duplicates I lost about half of my iPhoto library. I think I've got it backed up somewhere but man that's annoying.

I napped in the library for about an hour today. College campuses need capsule hotels. I'm sick of waking up and being immediately confronted with the random guy sitting at the next table who then pretends to ignore me while I compose myself. And what else am I supposed to do when I've got two hours to kill?

Got myself ready for winter yesterday by spending almost $300 at Target. Sounds like a lot -is a lot - but I got some serious bang for my buck: a bunch of long sleeve shirts, gloves, hat, new shoes, several pairs of earrings, some household necessities (damn, forgot a toothbrush), Halloween candy (to be eaten by me, screw the children), the funniest Halloween card EVER (I'll scan and post at some point), a jean jacket - the list goes on. Now I'm ready, though. Winter, do your worst! Aside: I learned in class this morning that if I were writing this post in Greek the word "winter" in the previous sentence would be declined using the vocative case. Ah yes, the more you know...

I need to read more.

And that's that. A few wrenches have been thrown into the spokes of my Augsburg Admissions project, but it's nothing we can't overcome. On the peripheries of my immediate experience I'm sensing some of the complication that always seems to accompany September. My own path seems smooth at the moment, though. I'm enjoying it as much as I can for it's sure to be short-lived.

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snuggle

2006-09-19T13:36:00.000-05:00

Brilliant.

Music, life, television

2006-09-19T11:56:00.000-05:00

MinneapolitanMusic speaks to me today.

Life is good. Normal. Boring, a little. Thank goodness Bill is in tech, maybe it'll bring some tension into my life. (Careful what you wish for, Caitlin.) I'm (mostly) kidding.

The Amazing Race 10 has begun. I'm in a TAR10 pick 'em pool and two, count 'em, TWO of my four teams were Philiminated in episode 1! This does not bode well. Studio 60, the new Aaron Sorkin show, premiered last night and I think I'm really gonna like it. I mean, come on, it's got Chandler and Josh! What's not to love? This week has also featured a whole lot of season 1 of The OC. Sarah and I are prepping for the release of season 3 on DVD and the season 4 premier.

travel plans and a night of theater

2006-09-16T15:48:00.001-05:00

I planning to go visit my sister in October. I've never been to Boston. I want so badly to be part of her life there, even if it's only just a little bit, only for a weekend.

I'm sitting in my purple computer chair, window behind me, bare skin striped with venetian shadows. The surface of the desk is representative: glass of water, barely touched; one dirty kleenex; the earrings I took off while sitting here checking my email before I fell asleep last night; open can of pears, fork sticking out; and cell phone, which hasn't rung all day. Ryan Adams sings from the speakers. Something in me wants something and I don't know what it is.

I saw the Bedlam Theatre 10-Minute Play Festival with Phil last night. It was a lot of fun, sort of a little taste of Fringey theater. There were twelve short plays performed during the three and a half hours, ranging from deeply emabarassing teenage-girl horrificness to well constructed and thoughtfully performed nuggets of fine art. Dan O'Neil of Players of Notorious Temerity had a piece of his own in the festival and performed in two others. I also ran into a bunch of people I know: Savannah and Ariel from my pre-collegiate years, Alisa, Betsy, and Sarah from Augsburg, and a handful of Minneapolis theater familiars. Anyhow, the festival is a wonderful way to spend an afternoon or evening so if you've got the time go check it out.